When Your Friend Gets the Crown

“Envy is the art of counting the other fellow’s blessings instead of your own.” – Harold Coffin

Picture this: You come home after a long day—your feet are tired, your hair is so full of dry shampoo that it could start a forest fire, dinner still needs to be made, and the house looks like a tornado tore through it. You finally sit down, hoping for a few minutes of escape, and open Instagram. Within seconds, you’re scrolling through spotless kitchens, picture-perfect families, a Mediterranean vacation, a pregnancy announcement, and someone’s before-and-after weight loss photos. You went looking for rest but instead found the brutal weight of comparison.

We live in a world wired for comparison. Social media makes it way too easy to measure our lives against someone else’s highlight reel, and sometimes—even as believers—we can find ourselves wondering: Why them and not me? It can be so easy to feel left behind or overlooked, huh? Scripture doesn’t shy away from this tension. In fact, one of the most powerful stories of friendship in the Bible could have been ruined by jealousy—but it wasn’t. Jonathan should have been king. David became king instead. Comparison asks, “Why not me?” Faith says, “I trust God’s timing for me.” What if your biggest test of faith isn’t waiting on your blessing, but watching someone else get their’s first?

Jonathan was the firstborn son of King Saul—the heir apparent to the throne of Israel. He had been trained his whole life as a prince. By all logical, earthly standards, he should have been next in line to rule. But God had a different plan. He anointed David, a humble shepherd boy-nobody, to become king instead (1 Samuel 16:13). David didn’t do anything to “earn” or steal Jonathan’s place—He was chosen by God. What could have been a recipe for rivalry became the blueprint of selfless friendship. Jonathan didn’t try to sabotage David. He didn’t let envy cloud his loyalty or make him see David as a threat. Instead, he embraced David as a brother and strengthened him in his God-given calling (1 Samuel 18:1-4, 1 Samuel 23:16-17). In fact, Jonathan literally gave David his robe and sword—a symbolic act that said, “I see what God is doing in your life, and I am here for it.” That’s radical humility. 1 Samuel 20:17 says, “he loved him as he loved himself.” What a beautiful depth of friendship. Jonathan trusted that his fulfillment was in his obedience to God’s will, not in becoming king. Unlike his father, he was able to release something that was never his to hold.

Imagine how David must have felt. He didn’t ask for the throne. He didn’t manipulate his way to the top. Yet here he was—receiving an inheritance that, by blood and law, “belonged” to his best friend. There had to be moments of discomfort or guilt. Feeling misunderstood. Of wondering if his blessing was somehow robbing Jonathan of his. Maybe he even felt like an imposter. But David continued to walk in obedience, not because he felt entitled, but because he trusted the call of God more than the opinions of people (even more than his own feelings).

The root of jealousy often stems from the false belief that “If God gave it to them, He must be withholding it from me” or “If God loved me like He loves them, I’d have what they have.” This is exactly what the serpent did in the Garden of Eden! He tried to trick Eve into questioning God’s generosity with questions like, “Did God really say…?” (Genesis 3:1, emphasis mine) The enemy wanted to plant a seed of doubt in her mind about God’s character—to make her believe that God was holding out on her. We have the ability to look back with hindsight and see that it obviously wasn’t true; imagine just how true it must’ve felt to Eve in the moment, though! I wonder: if you were to look back on your life, would you see any moments where God didn’t give you what you wanted or thought you deserved, and it ended up working for your good? I need to pause here for a second and ask you to lean in very close: God may have left you confused. He may have left you disappointed. But never once has He left you alone.

Contentment with what you have is way better than constantly longing for something that you don’t (Ecclesiastes 6:9). Someone else’s promotion isn’t your demotion. Your calling isn’t delayed by someone else’s success. The purpose God has for you is custom-fit. Paul writes to the Corinthians that all of us are part of the body of Christ:

Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many. Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact, God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as He wanted them to be. -1 Corinthians 12:14-18 (NIV, emphasis mine)

You may not be something flashy like the hands or mouth of the body of Christ; maybe you’re the big toe. I get it—I’ve never seen a pretty-looking big toe, either. But you know what? If the body didn’t have one, it would lose balance. The big toe is the primary “push-off” point when a body starts walking. Without a big toe, the body of Christ would be a stumbling, nine-toed, choppy-gait mess! We need every part! So go on, big toe! One of the most quoted verses of the Bible is Jeremiah 29:11, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Do you truly believe that? Because friend, there’s a difference between believing in God and believing God. His goodness isn’t limited; it never runs out. There’s peace in knowing that your role, however big or small, is God-ordained. And the more we learn to celebrate others’ wins, the freer we become to fully embrace our own. Proverbs 14:30 warns us that “envy rots the bones.” Comparison doesn’t just damage your joy, it distorts your spiritual health. If Jonathan had been consumed with comparison, he would have missed the blessing of being part of David’s journey. When Saul tried to kill David, Jonathan helped him to hide and escape. Sure he wasn’t king, but that seems like a pretty important part of David’s story to me. He wasn’t just a “nice guy,” he was spiritually grounded. Jonathan knew that real friendship isn’t rooted in ego but comes from championing one another’s faith and purpose. If David had let guilt stop him, he may have shrunk back from his calling. Both men chose obedience over emotion, trusting that God’s plan is sovereign.

Let’s do a quick heart-check. Ask God to search your heart and reveal to you the answers to these questions:

Am I silently competing with people I love?

Have I let comparison steal my joy?

Am I celebrating others with a genuine, sincere heart?

Is there a calling I’ve been afraid to step into because of guilt or comparison?

Do I secretly believe that God is holding out on me?

I would encourage you to start praying blessings over other people’s lives (especially anyone you’re tempted to compare yourself with). Write down a list of things that God has done in your life. It’s pretty hard to feel like God hasn’t worked in your life when you’re looking at a record of His faithfulness. Identify your calling zone: where has God uniquely placed you? Is there someone at work you feel drawn to you? A friend who needs some guidance? Whether you see it or not, you have a sphere of influence!

Comparison is a thief. It steals your joy, blurs your vision, and can poison your relationships. When we remember that God’s calling or blessing on someone else’s life doesn’t cancel our own, we can walk in freedom and unity. You don’t have to fight for your place in God’s plan—it’s already yours. Be a Jonathan. Walk like David. Trust God’s timing. Don’t let the view of someone else’s calling make you miss out on the beauty of your own.

Lord, search my heart. If there’s jealousy, uproot it. If there’s pride, soften it. Help me to rejoice when others are blessed, knowing that Your plans for me are just as intentional and good. I choose to believe that You are a good Father and that You do not withhold good things from Your children. Help me to fix my eyes on what You’ve given me, and to walk boldly in the purpose You’ve placed before me. Teach me to be a friend like Jonathan—humble, loyal, and secure in Your goodness. Amen.